Build a strong Mommy Daddy Team from the start.

I must admit that once I became a mother, I had a tendency to play a superwoman. For most women this may come naturally. And this makes accepting your limitations very hard. I was too unable to face the fact that I couldn’t do it all. Knowing your limitations means to logically take stock of your life and make decisions that are as much from the head as from the heart. It means recognizing what you are good at and what you are unable to do or simply don’t enjoy doing. Once you have analyzed this, the next step is to build a strong team and simply divvy up your responsibilities.

The right time for you to really start involving dads is from the moment the blue line appears on the pregnancy tool kit. Involving your husband in your pregnancy and then baby care begins from day one. When I was pregnant, my husband came for all my doctor’s visits and the Sonography sessions. The Sonographies, especially, were wonderful. My husband sat next to me in the sonography room month after month. Initially we would both feel a sense of relief that all was okay, and then complete wonder that we really have twins ….

Most often it’s really up to you, woman, to balance this equation. If you don’t include your husband right from the start, you shouldn’t expect them to miraculously ’show up’ and be present for rest of the journey. I agree that the father-to-be needs to want to get involved, but most often the mother needs to let him be involved instead of brushing him aside.
Even though you need to burst the bubble of being ‘perfect’, its so worth it. Superwoman is a woman of the past. In her place is a hard working, vibrant, honest and a good team member mommy.

Start early , Start right – read together.
Reading about the evolution of your baby in your womb with your hubby can be a good start. Pick up any one of the good ‘what to expect’ books and surely register your husband and yourself on a pregnancy website so that you get regular news letters from them on the development of the child. Not only will this inform you of the biological developments taking place but will deepen the bond between you and your hubby. Instead of being confined to the traditional roles of the mother and father-to-be, it will help transform you into a team.

Its ‘our’ Decision
I appreciate that you’re the one who’s carrying the baby, and you’re the one going to be stuck with the stretch marks but remember – you didn’t get here alone. Take Decisions together. From, should we buy a cot or a crib? What color bed sheets should we pick up? …to more important decisions like should we start with bottle feed from the beginning? These decisions are usually or rather traditionally the domain of the mother, but you will find that consulting your hubby on some of these decisions will make him feel an important member of the team. And ofcourse, now I don’t need to tell most women how to ensure that your husbands’ decision is also what you always wanted!

Express yourself ….in words
Akin to communicating with your toddlers, here too you must use language to communicate. You must talk to your husbands and try as hard as possible to articulate what you think needs to be done or what you are going through. If you feel, you do have equilibrium with your husband, a good dialogue is critical for it to stay that way. No one is a mind reader, least of all our often clueless husbands. You need to write things in big bold letters in order for them to sit up, pay attention and understand what you really want. Good Communication between team members is essential to be a winner in any game. Though once your babies are born you will realize you can never be a winner in this game!

“Dads can do it”
Let me put it simply, like I did for my husband. The good news is that dads of twins have an opportunity to get fully involved in the daily baby chores and the bad news is that they have to be fully involved in baby care. With Extra mouths to feed and bottoms to diaper you need that extra help.
Find a Niche, a chore that he can master – such as bathing the babies or simply keeping the bottles for the feed ready. Handover complete responsibility for the task without then extending your expertise. You will need to be patient with his inexperience. You need to trust him to take care of your children even though he may not do so in as perfect a manner as you would like. You need to back away and lay off the criticism. This will help you overcome your superwomen instincts and help fathers enjoy the fact that he equally shares the joys and frustrations of bringing up twins.


This Two shall pass – Be patient!
Many months had passed, into parenthood when I realized that I hadn’t paid enough attention to the huge metamorphoses my husband was undergoing upon becoming a father of twins. Never before has there been a greater pressure on your husband to take care of everyone. Not only you and the twinsome, but his ageing parents as well. Now with the arrival of the twins everything seems urgent, especially getting a new job with more money and a five day week.
My husband and all his friends (especially their wives) thought of him to be a decent, worthwhile and a responsible person. Though you’ll be tempted to believe at times that he’s evil, lazy and useless. This will only worsen the situation. He may start believing that his value is shrinking ….and soon start enjoying it!
With Constant feeding, diaper changing and sorting out fights between your twins the stress continues, the lack of sleep and hormonal fluctuations only add to it. Patience is the only way to get through this time, which can, believe it or not, actually be very enjoyable and a great bonding experience- provided you don’t let the hormones get you down!


Twins are hard happiness – enjoy it together!
While you spend all day and evening caring for your twosome, your husband probably works at his (obviously stressful) job all day and is expected to help in the evening. Most of us, twin mommy’s and daddy’s take ourselves far too seriously. We often forget to goof around, goof up and reveal in the joy of being around and being with our twins. Start doing things together.
Go out shopping together, I love wearing the green T-shirt with stars my 18 month old son picked up for me. Sit together and go through your photo albums together, you’ll be amazed how quickly your infants start recognizing tatta –patti, nanni and friends in the pics.

Twin parenting can be exhausting; both your hearts may slowly harden instead of softening. The couple you once were could slowly disappear into the dense jungle of parenthood. Hold on, sit back and look around ...there is still sunshine.

On a lighter note, congratulate your husband on joining the league. Many of the well known personalities have twins. Mohammed Ali is a father of twin daughters. Actors Mel Gibson, Robert De Niro and lately (ahem ...) Brad pit is fathering twins. My husband is probably happier than Roger Fedrer on him having twins. He truly believes only real sportsmen and stud men have Twins. And I completely agree “just like phantom had twins” I say …..Anything to make him feel and act like a superhero!!

Dining out with our duo

After moving to Bangalore with my husband we didn’t bother getting a cooking gas connection for at least a couple of months. It was so much simpler (and fun) to just eat out everyday, than to stand in queues and run behind babus for a gas cylinder. This surely turned my husband into a complete food snob. The kind who studies menus before he orders his main course, always knows of the newest and hottest restaurants, even if it means driving to Whitefield for a meal. That's all well and good when it's just the two of us or we are meeting some friends for dinner.

With the arrival of our twin boys, things didn’t change too much …at least initially. When our twins were babies, we took them to some nice restaurants and it worked out fine for the most part. If one of them had a crying fit, we'd take turns walking them up and down the sidewalk until they calmed down. They were bottle fed, so we quickly mastered the art of giving a baby a bottle while sipping wine and taking bites of our chicken risotto. We had some nice meals with our infants in tow.
But then they started eating solid foods, getting bigger and reached an age when they were decidedly un-restaurant friendly. You know what I mean... when you have to leave a tip that is almost as much as your bill to compensate for the mess and the noise. Since then the only restaurants we ever went to as a family were those where we could tag along our baby care maid or that had a drive through window.
I have been to McDonalds and the lifestyle food court about 400 times. I love the McChicken, but always wondered there must be somewhere else to eat that's as kid friendly, right? And that isn't fast food.
Now, riding on my past experience and a bit of planning we do manage to take our boys out to restaurants. Of course, we've had some mortifying moments along the way, but for the most part, their restaurant manners have been pretty good.
Here are some tips to help you enjoy a pleasurable dining out experience. You don't have to leave your twins at home when eating in restaurants. You just have to plan ahead and adjust your expectations. The problem is my food snob husband who still prefers a restaurant with a ten page desert menu and a valet parking as opposed to one that offers crayons, mango Frooti and has French fries on the menu.

Firstly, choose the restaurant carefully .Quiet, elegant bistros are not the place for kids, especially multiples. There are plenty of other places with good food and a family-friendly atmosphere. Look for restaurants with a high noise level. That way, your duo's chatter -- or tantrums -- won't be as disturbing to the other diners. Choose places with a fun, busy style that has plenty of decor to look at and talk about with the kids.
Quick service is also preferred. Ideally, you'll want to be seated immediately after arriving, and don't want a long lag in between courses. Buffets are great with kids, because you have access to the food whenever you want it. Italian restaurants are another good bet; they usually have a quick turnaround, with the added benefit of serving plain pasta and garlic bread sticks.
It pays to call ahead. If you've never been to the restaurant before, ask about their provisions for young people. Many smaller establishments only have one or two high chairs. If you need more, you're out of luck. Save yourself the frustration and call ahead to confirm that they can accommodate you.
We have often walked into restaurants at 7pm thinking it would be pretty empty and we would be able to get the kids fed before started to get too hungry or tired -- a bad combination as any parent knows .Timing can mean the difference between a marvelous meal and disastrous dining. Avoid crunch times -- both your children's and the restaurant's. Follow your twins' schedule. Choose dining times when they're usually happy and alert; don't try to go out when they're too hungry, sleepy or cranky.
Hopefully, those times will coincide with the restaurant's off-peak hours. Prime dining hours around lunch and dinner mean more crowds, busier servers and more waiting -- which only creates more frustration for your family!
Order the kiddo meal as soon as you sit down, and ask the server to bring them out as soon as possible. Many restaurants will keep your table plied with breads or other snacks; use these freebies to keep little mouths occupied.
I keep telling all parents ‘ busy twins are happy twins’ . Bring in your own ammunition. Some kid-friendly restaurants provide crayons and even games to keep your kids occupied at the table. But you're better off coming prepared with your own gear. Pack a bag with books, crayons and paper and small toys. It's great to have things that are new or unfamiliar to the children; they'll hold their attention longer.
Last time when we walked in with our freshly showered, well dressed family ,things were looking good. While my husband perused the desert menu list, I got the kids settled with their Picture books and a couple of hot wheels cars. They got a little squirmy when the food didn't come out as fast as they are used to. Once the food did come, one of the boys needed a diaper change. Then as soon as I got back from the restroom, my other son decided he had to go too. But you know what? It was a pretty pleasant experience. In fact, we had fun... and dessert was over-the-top amazing.
All those people looking at us with the "oh aren't they a cute family" look had no idea the amount of prep that went into that dinner. I looked like a Mom with my act together, which I am so not.

Air Travel with Twins

When I gave birth to my twins boys, I vowed they would never keep me at home. After all, I had been a woman on the go. So naturally I pictured my husband and me strolling the Goa beaches while our babies peacefully napped in their double stroller. With my twins’ arrival, however, the bubble didn’t exactly burst but it certainly fizzled a bit.

As I wrestled daily trying to get my twins out the door my attitude began to change. By the time they were fed, diapered and dressed, I had to nurse them again. Often I’d be tempted to cancel my plans—it was just too difficult to be mobile with young twins. Yet I persisted and over time I became more confident and resourceful.

We managed to travel not only to the grocery store, but my boys have logged many miles both in air and on the highway
I have flown with our twin boys 3 times already and have hour’s worth of tales of our experience but I’ll try to keep it brief. To lend the following suggestions credibility, I have flown with our twosome at different stages - five months , thirteen months, and most recently, at eighteen months and each trip presented its own unique challenges.

Traveling with children is always a challenge, but with twins it can be double trouble if you don't travel prepared. Experienced moms of twins and multiples will know, While planning is key, always to be prepared for the unexpected.

Let me also mention that according to some of our fellow passengers, our twins’ behavior was even commendable. No doubt, with some forethought and effort on your part, your twins will be fine, too. You might even have fun!

A few experiences to prepare you better:
Buying tickets: Firstly, you don't have to buy a seat for children under two. They can travel as "lap babies”. All Indian airlines permit a parent to carry a child under age two in lap for the duration of a flight. Assuming you are travelling with one adult per child, two seats are all you need to purchase for four travelers...a financial twin benefit. But here is where you need to be careful--when booking your tickets, let your reservationist know you are travelling with infant twins, one per adult.

Be aware (unlike us during our first travel) that your family will have split seating; air safety regulations prohibit two infants under two from flying in the same airplane row. My understanding is that it has something to do with the emergency air masks. But regardless of the reason, you can’t do it.
Don't despair; it's actually easier this way. Divide and conquer is often the best approach with twins anyway! Just be adequately prepared for the separation by packing separate.
With various options of early check-in, such as tele check-in, online check-in, make sure you have reserved seats. Be polite, but assertively vocal with your airline official. Ideally, you and your spouse should be seated both directly in front and back of each other or on the either side of the aisle in the same row. That way, you can share access to not only to the diaper bag but more importantly, each other. Let the airline (or your travel agent) know that the chances of inconveniencing other passengers will be significantly minimized if you all can be in close proximity to one another.

Travel timing: When you’re booking your flight give top priority to your twins’ schedule. When they are most rested and content? When are they crankiest? I find that flying late at night or overnight (for long or international sectors) works best, because the twins are more likely to sleep during the flight.
Try to arrange to travel at non-peak times, avoiding holidays, weekends, and other busy travel times.

Packing baby hand bags: Traveling with twins can be either a traumatic or a terrific experience. Packing for twins, entertaining twins, and ensuring the safety of your twins as you travel can be a challenging experience for parents of twins. But with a little research, and a lot of planning before you ever hit the road, you can increase the odds that your trip with twins will be a terrific one.
For hand baggage, pack only what you'll need while you're in transit, and things you'd need in case of an emergency. Pack light -- you'll have your hands full enough already!
Keep in mind -restrictions on carry-on items change often, it's important to consult your travel agent OR airline official while doing a tele check-in ,on permissible and prohibited items.
Make a list of the things you would normally use during the time frame of your flight: Diapers and wipes ,bottles/formula (check regulations on quantity),drinks (check regulations),food, comfort items, medicines ,plastic bags for disposing the mess and an extra outfits for each child (and a change of clothes for the parents too!).
And remember, busy twins are happy twins!
The best antidote to twin troubles in flight is distraction. Whether you have small toys for babies or coloring books for toddlers, keep your traveling twins busy.
If your twins are old enough, you'll need to arm yourself with entertainment ammunition. Choose your weapons carefully! Avoid things that are irretrievable, breakable, and irreplaceable or contain multiple pieces. No matter what it is, pack two! Whatever one has, the other twin will want as well. Buy a few new toys just for the trip. Something new will hold their attention longer.

Carrying Strollers : Guess what? When boarding, you can wheel your double stroller all the way to the end of the Jetway, collapse the stroller, and board the plane. With a gate-bestowed tag, your stroller will await you at the plane door upon re-entering your destination’s Jetway. Very, very helpful.
However, policies vary from airline to airline and from flight to flight, so be sure to confirm with them. If you do have to check your stroller, ask the airline if it counts against your checked baggage tally to avoid paying excess charges.
Easiest way to get on and get of a plane : Perhaps the trickiest portion of your trip will be actually boarding the plane and getting settled in your seats. Juggling hand baggage, equipment, and babies in confined quarters is never easy. But there are some ways to make it go smoothly.
Take advantage of the pre-board option. Most airlines provide an opportunity for families with small children to board the plane ahead of time. There is no rule that says your entire party has to board early. Let one parent go on early, carrying the bags and getting the seats set up, while the other remains at the gate with the children ( if your infants are walking ).
On arrival ,if you were able to gate check your stroller, it should be waiting for you at the jetway. Again, if you can, have one parent stay seated with the children while the other gets the stroller ready and manages the bags.

Smooth operation at the airport: Give yourself plenty of time. Arrive early. Use the time to make sure everyone is fed and changed, if necessary. Keep the children in a double stroller, if they're comfortable in it OR find a quiet place where they can wander around without getting too far away from you.
When you go through security, be aware that you will most likely have to remove children from their stroller and send the equipment through the metal detectors separately. In general, the personnel will be very helpful in guiding you through, but it may be a bit tricky as you try to manage babies, equipment and bags.

Do travel with twins
Don’t let the thought of hard work and deep planning tempt you to stay home. There are so many reasons to travel with twins. Not only does traveling as a family build your confidence as a parent, but also the kids learn about their world around them and quickly become adaptable adults.